i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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