I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
