My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
