so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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