there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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