Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
