why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
