and i looked up. we had an audience...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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