i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
