Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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