I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
