Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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