five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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