He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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