So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love having hate sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
