took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
love makes seman taste better
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
