Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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