Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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