As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
