My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize