A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
