What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize