Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just gift wrapped bread.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
