Girls should come with a carfax report
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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