Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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