I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
