Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
