Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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