Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
