i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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