Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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