im about as happy as oj after his trial
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
