one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
