Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
