apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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