and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
