How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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