I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
