so explain again why im purple
no
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
