The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
