I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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