my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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