If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
