The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize