What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
