Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
