My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
