She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
