How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
