She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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