Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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