i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
