i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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