You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
