Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
