When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
