I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
