Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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