Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
