i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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