I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
