He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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