My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
