matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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