She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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