On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
