I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
