So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
