I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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