you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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