The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
