were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize