i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
