I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize