that's an acceptable place to lick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
