it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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