oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize