My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
